Inside the Water Curtain Cave, the Stone Monkey was lounging on the stone bed, legs crossed, lazily feigning sleep. His mind was a whirlwind of racing thoughts, a tangled mess of "what-ifs" and half-formed plans. He began dredging up every detail of the Journey to the West saga from the depths of his memory, sorting through them one by one, yet no matter how hard he thought, he couldn't find a clear way out of the maze.

As a transmigrator, he naturally wanted to carve out a unique path for himself—to do something different. But he was also painfully aware of his current reality. From the very second he burst out of that rock, he had been nothing more than a pawn in Buddha’s hand. Every step of his life—from the Handsome Monkey King to Sun Wukong, from Sun Wukong to the Great Sage Equal to Heaven, then down to Sun the Pilgrim, and finally to the Victorious Fighting Buddha—it had all been scripted. Everything was "managed" with terrifying precision by powers far beyond his control.

Reflecting on the life Sun Wukong was destined to endure, the Stone Monkey couldn't help but think of that famous line from the legendary warrior Lv Bu: "Haha! Ignorance is bliss."

As much as the Stone Monkey's soul revolted against it, he was utterly helpless in the face of reality. If he didn't play his part as Buddha’s pawn, his only other option was to become an expendable asset tossed aside by Spirit Mountain. After all, this was a world where power could call a sheep a goat and get away with it. Whether you were the true Spiritual Stone Monkey or the Six-Eared Macaque didn't matter—you were whatever the Buddha said you were. The question was: did you have the guts to challenge that?

In his past life, Li Lun had been a total pushover—the kind of corporate drone who wouldn't even dare talk back to a department head, let alone defy the Lord Buddha. He knew he couldn't change the "main quest" of the story—the Havoc in Heaven and the Journey to the West were set in stone—but he fully intended to go wild on the "side quests" that didn't affect the bottom line.

For example: there was no way in hell he was going to Heaven to be that bottom-tier stable boy, the "Bimawen." Or for instance: after he used the Immobilization Spell on the Seven Fairies, he planned to give each of them a full "groping" treatment followed by a solid seven-minute masculine stare before he even touched a single peach. And another thing: unless the Buddha or Guanyin themselves showed up in person, nobody was getting that damn Golden Hoop onto his head.

Problems like these were everywhere, too many to count. But while fantasizing about the future felt good, he still had to wake up to the present. And right now, his biggest headache was that his "Kingship" was a joke. At best, he was a puppet on a string, controlled by those four old monkeys. He knew that even as the Monkey King, he was just a "general without an army." He had no inner circle, no loyal base, and was surrounded by spies sent from Spirit Mountain. That wasn't even counting the two "big brothers" in the sky, Qianliyan and Shunfeng'er, who could keep him under remote surveillance 24/7. Long story short: as the Monkey King, he had zero real power and zero privacy. It was beyond suffocating.

The more he thought about it, the more agitated he felt. He reined in his wild, eccentric fantasies and started seriously brainstorming how to break this deadlock. Without noticing, the sun had begun to dip toward the west, and the light inside the cave grew dim and hazy. The Stone Monkey slowly opened his eyes, let out a long yawn, and stretched his limbs.

He murmured a poem to himself: "Who wakes first from the Great Dream? My life, I alone know. In this stone bed, I've had my fill of spring sleep, while outside the cave, the sun lingers slow."

With that, he rolled off the bed.

The Stone Monkey thought about the troop waiting outside—they had been stuck there for a solid afternoon. A wicked, schadenfreude-filled smirk played across his lips. He grabbed the straw mat from the bed, snagged a vine, and wrapped the mat around his waist, tying it tight. It was a makeshift grass skirt, but it did the trick. "The Handsome Monkey King can’t exactly ascend the throne with his bare ass hanging out; that’s zero ritual points," he whispered to himself. A cold glint flickered in his eyes. "If I’m going to be the King, I’m not just going to be a title—I’m going to be the real deal."

With his hands clasped behind his back, he marched toward the Iron Plate Bridge with the slow, measured gait of a high-ranking official. At the edge of the bridge, he took a deep breath. Then, his legs exploded with power. He swung his arms, sprinting full-tilt toward the cave’s mouth. He had made up his mind: he wasn't just going to hop out; he was going to leap from the bridge straight to the far riverbank. It was time for a grand entrance—pure, unadulterated "badassery." He’d learned from his first jump into the falls that a standing long jump fell a few yards short; this time, he needed the running start.

Outside the Water Curtain Cave, the monkeys looked like a patch of frost-bitten eggplants. They were scattered along the bank, sitting or lying down, occasionally glancing at the sky and then back at the waterfall. With no sign of the Stone Monkey, their faces were masks of pure, soul-crushing boredom mixed with helpless frustration.

Mind you, he had jumped into that waterfall before noon. Now, the red sun was dipping toward the horizon, nearing dusk. The troop had been waiting in the scorching sun all afternoon, parched and exhausted. At this point, every single one of them was silently cursing the Stone Monkey’s entire family tree. Only the Four Elders remained fixated on the "Coronation"—obsessed with the idea of putting a crown on a monkey.

"Great Elder, it’s almost dark and he still isn't out," the Second Elder whispered. "What if something went wrong in there? Should I send a few scouts in to check?"

The Great Elder’s eyes narrowed as he stared at the thundering water, his expression shifting between anxiety and rage. He hissed through gritted teeth, "Forget it. We wait. We’ll stay right here and see who breaks first."

The words had barely left his mouth when a massive whoosh echoed through the air. The Four Elders looked up in unison. In the center of the waterfall, the water exploded outward. A dark shadow streaked through the air like a missile, heading straight for the bank. A split second later—BOOM—the shadow slammed into the ground, kicking up a massive cloud of dust.

As the dust settled, a crater was visible in the muddy bank. The Stone Monkey was knelt in the center, one knee down, his right fist buried deep into the earth. It was a pitch-perfect superhero landing, a move he’d memorized from American blockbusters in his past life. All it needed was a cinematic orchestral score to be truly perfect.

As the saying goes: “I searched for him a thousand times in the crowd, only to turn around and find him... striking a pose to show off.” The Four Elders and the rest of the troop crowded around. Seeing the Stone Monkey’s melodramatic, "look-at-me" posture, they ground their teeth in collective irritation, once again silently wishing the worst upon every one of his ancestors.

The Stone Monkey struck his pose for what felt like forever, but the thunderous applause he expected never came. Instead, the troop just stood there in eerie silence, their eyes cutting into him like serrated blades. The tension was thick enough to choke on. Deep down, he knew he’d pulled a real jerk move. He recalled a classic line from his elementary school teacher: "If you waste one minute of your own time, that’s one thing; but when there are forty people in this class, you’ve wasted forty minutes of everyone else's." By that logic, since he’d kept over two hundred monkeys waiting all afternoon, he had effectively robbed the troop of two entire months.

The riverbank remained deathly quiet, the air frozen. Sensing he was in the wrong, he didn't challenge their murderous glares. He gave a forced, awkward chuckle, stood up, and pointed toward the falls.

"Elders, you won't believe it!" he said, addressing the Four Elders. "Even if you lived a thousand years, you’d never guess what’s behind that curtain. There’s no water back there at all—just a massive cave! There’s a stone tablet at the entrance that reads: 'The Heavenly Grotto of Flower and Fruit Mountain, The Blessed Land of the Water Curtain Cave.' I went inside; it’s huge! You could fit a thousand monkeys in there without feeling cramped. And it’s fully furnished—stone stoves, bowls, basins, beds, and benches. It’s the ultimate real estate: windproof, rainproof, and totally pest-free."

He paused, shot a deliberate wink at the Great Elder, and added with a heavy dose of sarcasm, "Great Elder, your foresight is truly uncanny. It’s exactly as you predicted—a hidden paradise and a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. My admiration for you is like a surging river, endless and overflowing!"

The Great Elder’s face remained as dark as stagnant water, silent and cold. The other three elders traded looks but said nothing. The Stone Monkey turned back to the crowd and shouted, "Listen up, everyone! In the Water Curtain Cave, we’ll have a place to hide from the wind and shelter from the rain. We’ll never fear the frost or the thunder again. It’s bathed in eternal mist and auspicious light; the pines and bamboo are forever lush, and the flowers are always fresh. To live in such a high-end, elegant, and fashionable mansion is a blessing from the Heavens! Once we move in, we’ll be living the high life in a sacred sanctuary. Don't just stand here! Let’s get moving before it gets dark!"

Despite his enthusiastic sales pitch, the monkeys remained unmoved, their faces blank. The atmosphere had plummeted to sub-zero. The Great Elder let out a weary, disgusted sigh. He cleared his throat and said coldly, "Young man, since you have discovered such a grand fortune, we shall keep our word and name you our King."

He nodded to the Second Elder, who handed him a crown woven from fragrant leaves, fresh flowers, and vines. Holding the crown in both hands, the Great Elder dropped to one knee and proclaimed loudly, "Long live the Prince! We pay our respects to the Great King!"

Seeing their leader bow, the rest of the troop—though still fuming—had no choice but to follow suit. They fell to their knees, their voices rising in a reluctant chorus: "Long live the Prince! We pay our respects to the Great King!"

Now, everyone was kneeling except for the Stone Monkey, who stood out like a crane among a flock of chickens. Wearing a warm, gentle smile, he walked slowly to the Great Elder and took the leaf crown. He examined it for a moment, flicking it lightly with his pinky finger to test its weight, then placed it squarely on his head with zero hesitation.

He clasped his hands behind his back, puffed out his chest, and declared grandly, "You may rise, my subjects! Today, I ascend the throne. From this day forward, I am the Handsome Monkey King of the Water Curtain Cave on Flower and Fruit Mountain!"

As the words left his mouth, he couldn't help but cringe internally. With a face like mine, calling myself "Handsome" is honestly embarrassing. But hey, tradition is tradition. I guess "Handsome Monkey King" is just a brand name, not a literal description. It’ll have to do—it's still a hell of a lot better than "Stable Boy." Consider this my little tribute to Liu Xiao Ling Tong from that other world.

The Monkey King looked down from his high vantage point at the four elders kneeling before him. A sinister smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth as he made a grand, overly serious proclamation.

"As the saying goes, 'When one man rises to the top, his whole clique gets promoted.' Today, you have all served me well in my ascension, and it is only right that I grant you titles of nobility. First Elder!"

"Your humble servant is here," the First Elder replied, bowing his head.

The Monkey King narrowed his eyes, his voice dripping with hidden meaning. "My coronation today is thanks, in no small part, to your tireless efforts. Since I am now King, it is only fitting that you become a Marquis. I hereby dub thee Marquis Ma. May it signify an 'immediate promotion to the nobility' for you."

"Your old servant accepts your grace and thanks the King," the First Elder said, kowtowing. Still, he felt a nagging sense of unease. He was a Red-Rumped Horse Monkey (Ma-hou), and now he was a Marquis Ma (Ma-hou). He couldn't tell if the Monkey King was being clever or just incredibly lazy.

The Monkey King’s gaze swept over the remaining three. "Second Elder, I dub thee Marquis Niu. Third Elder, you are now Count Ji. Fourth Elder, you shall be Count Ba. Marquis Ma, Marquis Niu, Count Ji, and Count Ba—you four shall henceforth be the Founding Elders of Flower and Fruit Mountain."

The four veterans thanked him in unison. The Monkey King then turned to the rest of the troop and shouted, "As for the rest of you, your rewards will be announced later after I've consulted with the Four Elders. It’s getting dark. Let’s move into the Water Curtain Cave first and settle in. Sound good?"

The monkeys had no objections and cheered their approval. From that day on, the Stone Monkey took the throne, discarded the name "Stone," and called himself the Handsome Monkey King. As the ancient poem testifies:

When the Three Prime Energies unite, all life is born, The immortal stone, pregnant with the essence of Sun and Moon. Borrowing an egg to transform into a monkey, the Great Dao is fulfilled, Taking a false name to match the alchemy of the soul. Within, one knows not the cause for lack of form, Without, the shape is clear for all to see. Through the ages, all belong to this path, Call him King, call him Sage—he wanders where he will.

After leading the troop into the cave, the Monkey King dumped all the logistical headaches onto his "Founding Four"—Ma, Niu, Ji, and Ba. He told them to handle the move and report back to him only when they were finished to discuss "matters of state." With that, he retreated into the stone chamber he had occupied that afternoon and flopped onto the bed, limbs spread wide, letting his mind wander back into his wild fantasies.

In truth, he was pretty satisfied with this new body. Anyone who’s ever played a video game knows the basic build for a "Stone Golem": natural Herculean strength, high attack power, massive HP, and a decent resistance to low-level magic. Best of all? Total immunity to poison. After all, toxins only work on carbon-based lifeforms; they can't do a damn thing to a silicon-based being like him.

On top of everything, as the Spiritual Stone Monkey himself, the King possessed off-the-charts speed and agility. Once he mastered the 72 Transformations, added the Golden Cudgel to his arsenal, and hopped on the Somersault Cloud, he would reach his "Final Form."

Just imagine: a superhero who combines the stats of a Tank, a Warrior, an Assassin, and a Mage all in one. He’s gripping a 13,500-pound staff, standing on a cloud that teleports him 108,000 li in a single bound. The guy can soak up damage, dish it out, backstab you, and—get this—he can create clones and shapeshift at will. If he gets annoyed, he just flips a somersault and fast-travels across the entire world map. It’s beyond "broken." To use the modern phrasing: "Absurdity just opened the door for Ridiculousness—he’s completely off the rails."

Logically speaking, the Handsome Monkey King was born with a "cheat code" for a body. His only flaw was that his brain was as thick as a brick. Compared to top-tier players like Lord Laozi, the Jade Emperor, or the Buddha—hell, even compared to the "Pig Brain" of his future Second Senior Brother—he was lacking. But now, that fatal glitch has been patched by a soul from another world.

Think about it: a Monkey King who is thick-skinned, black-hearted, and a master of cold calculation; a Monkey King who knows when to fight and when to play the game of social politics; a Monkey King who knows every spoiler in the Westward Journey script. When he finally grows into his power, he’ll be a terrifying force of nature. One can only sigh: "Time, Fate, and Fortune—Providence has truly dealt a wild hand."

But just as the King was basking in the pride of being a superior silicon-based lifeform, a dead-serious problem hit him: How exactly does a silicon-based being... reproduce? He couldn't exactly rely on self-cloning or binary fission, could he?

Now, in the Primordial World, the lines of reproductive isolation are pretty blurry. Take Lady White Snake and Xu Xian—that case proved that an egg-laying reptile and a placental mammal could bridge the species gap to create a "miracle of life." But at the end of the day, that’s just two different carbon-based lifeforms "messing around." This? Trying to hook up a silicon-based being with a carbon-based one? No matter how much effort you put in, it was bound to be a fruitless labor.

It really brought that lyric from the song Wukong to life: "What use is this stone staff to me? What worth are these transformations? Still uneasy, still dejected—infertility is a sorrow better left unsaid."

"Sigh. You win some, you lose some," the King muttered, lying on the stone bed. "Looks like I’ll never have a biological son in this life. I’ll just have to make up for the 'internal loss' with 'external gains.' I’ll just have to adopt a bunch of god-daughters later on. Having them kneel at my feet and call me 'Daddy' might be the only way to heal the regret in my heart." A twisted, unmentionable smirk hung on his lips as his mind filled with all sorts of trashy thoughts.

After lounging for about two hours, the King’s ears twitched. He sat up, adjusted his leaf crown, and straightened his makeshift grass skirt. Moments later, the four elders—Ma, Niu, Ji, and Ba—entered the stone chamber in unison. They bowed low before him, shouting, "Greetings, Great King!"

"Rise. You’ve worked hard, my ministers," the King said coolly. "How go the affairs?"

"Report to the King: the troop has been settled," Marquis Ma replied with a bow. "May we ask, Great King, what are your instructions for summoning us?"

The Monkey King nodded slightly, asking with feigned nonchalance, "Tell me, my ministers—besides us, are there other monkey troops nearby? Roughly how many are we talking about?"

Marquis Ma froze, his eyes filling with suspicion. Seeing the hesitation, Marquis Niu quickly spoke up: "Report to the King: on Mount Huaguo alone, there are over twenty different troops. We have some dealings with them on occasion. Combined, there are likely no fewer than three thousand monkeys."

"I see," the Monkey King nodded. His expression shifted into one of grave seriousness. "As the saying goes, 'Shared joy is double joy.' My ministers, this Water Curtain Cave can house nearly a thousand, and the forest outside is vast. We could easily accommodate thirty thousand, let alone three thousand. My decree is this: dispatch our people tonight to notify the neighboring troops. Tell them the Handsome Monkey King of Mount Huaguo has claimed the Water Curtain Cave—a true paradise. If they are willing to acknowledge me as their King, I will share this sanctuary with them. Those who wish to submit must gather at the clearing outside the cave by noon tomorrow. If they miss the deadline, they miss the chance."

Hearing this, the Four Elders—Ma, Niu, Ji, and Ba—stood there agape, speechless. They looked at the Monkey King with the kind of pitying gaze one usually reserves for the mentally impaired. The Monkey King met their eyes calmly for a moment, then cocked an eyebrow with a grin. "Well, Elders? What do you think?"

Seeing the King’s reckless arrogance, Marquis Ma frowned, barely suppressing his annoyance. He replied coldly, "With all due respect, Your Majesty, the other troops do not recognize you as their leader. It is easy to invite guests, but hard to show them the door. If we rush to summon them here, they might see this treasure and harbor dark thoughts. Instead of submitting, they’ll cause trouble and stir up chaos. We are few and far between; we won't be able to keep them in line. I urge Your Majesty to reconsider."

The moment Marquis Ma finished, Marquis Niu stepped forward, pleading earnestly, "Your Majesty, those of a different tribe never share the same heart. We must be on guard! If we aren't careful, we’ll be 'inviting wolves into our home' and losing our nest to the cuckoo. Please, reconsider!"

"We concur! This is an absolute disaster. Your Majesty, please reconsider!" Count Ji and Count Ba shouted in unison.

The Monkey King stared at the four old monkeys, his face a mask of total indifference. When he spoke again, his tone left no room for argument. "My ministers, say no more. My mind is made up. Send the word out immediately. If things go south, I will take full responsibility."

The four old monkeys stood rooted to the spot, making no effort to hide the blatant contempt and disdain in their eyes. After a few beats of silence, Marquis Ma gave a stiff, perfunctory bow and countered with a sharp edge: "This is a reckless order. Your ministers cannot obey. We ask Your Majesty’s forgiveness."

The other three immediately echoed, "We ask Your Majesty’s forgiveness!"

"Fine. Fine! Fine!" The Monkey King gave a mocking laugh and began to clap his hands. "I only took the throne today, and already I’m being deserted? My orders are ignored? Rebellion already?"

He sneered, plucked the leaf crown off his head, and tossed it carelessly onto the edge of the bed. "In that case, I'm done being the 'Handsome Monkey King.' To hell with calling myself 'Your Majesty' all day—it’s exhausting. It’s not even as much fun as being with a widow."

With that, the Monkey King stood up and got off the bed. He shot a look of pure disgust at the four old monkeys and added sarcastically, "Marquis Ma, you pick whoever you think is 'qualified' to be the King. As for us—we’re breaking up. It's been real. May we both find happiness elsewhere. Gentlemen, the world is wide; I’m sure we’ll run into each other again. Or not."

Ignoring the four elders, he tightened the vine on his grass skirt and started walking away. The four old monkeys turned their heads, staring at his retreating back in utter shock. Not a single one of them had expected that, over a minor disagreement, this newly crowned King would just hurl his crown aside and quit. It was the absolute height of arrogance—willful, petty, and incredibly temperamental.

Marquis Ma’s heart skipped a beat. He was the first to snap back to reality. He realized that whether it was the Four Elders or the entire troop, they were all nothing more than window dressing for this Monkey King. To put it bluntly: the Monkey King was to the troop what a superstar frontman is to a world-famous band. Without the band, the frontman is still a star; but without the frontman, the band is just a group of nobodies.

Marquis Ma knew that with the King’s raw, monstrous strength, if he was dead-set on leaving, the troop couldn't stop him by force. And if the King really burned his bridges and walked away, ruining the carefully laid plans of the Buddha and the Bodhisattvas, how would the Elder ever answer to Spirit Mountain? It would be a debt that a hundred deaths couldn't repay.

The thought sent a shiver through his entire body. Terror flashed in his eyes. He lunged forward like a madman, his hands locking onto the Monkey King’s arm in a vice grip. He wailed hysterically, "Great King, you can’t! You absolutely cannot! Please, stay your hand! This old servant was wrong—I’ll get on my knees, I’ll do anything! If you leave like this, you’ll shame me to death!"

With a heavy thud, he collapsed to the floor, clutching the King's legs. In his desperation, two genuine tears actually managed to squeeze out of the corners of his eyes.

The other three old monkeys woke up at the same time. Marquis Niu snatched up the leaf crown and scrambled forward on his knees. Crawling to the King's feet, he held the crown high with both hands, sobbing, "Please stay, Great King! Stay! Every mistake was ours! Beat us, punish us, do whatever you want—just don't abandon us!"

"Great King, we were wrong! Please stay!" "We won't do it again! Forgive us just this once!"

By now, Count Ji and Count Ba were on the floor, each hugging one of the Monkey King’s thighs, crying as if their hearts were breaking, old tears streaming down their faces.

In an instant, the stone chamber was filled with a cacophony of wailing and howling. The noise was so loud it startled the monkeys outside. Some of the younger, clueless monkeys actually thought their King had passed away right after his coronation. A few brave ones poked their heads into the doorway to see what was happening. Marquis Ma, eyes bloodshot and watery, looked up from his begging and shot a murderous glare at the door. The little monkeys scrambled back in terror, retreating to a safe distance to continue "eating melons" and watching the drama unfold from afar.

The Monkey King’s face was as cold as stone, but deep down, he was gloating. You old bastards, he cursed internally. I give you an inch and you try to take a mile? You think a few mangy monkeys like you can play mind games with me? Please.

He maintained his mask of indifference, letting them howl and wail like they were at a funeral for a full fifteen minutes. Finally, he let out a long, heavy sigh. His expression softened slightly as he spoke with solemn gravity.

"Elders, let’s lay our cards on the table today. I didn't ask to be King; you forced this on me. Since you’re so desperate for me to stay, here’s the deal: if I speak and you listen, we remain King and ministers. If you don't listen, we break up right here and now, and we never cross paths again. How about it?"

Seeing that the King had finally given them an "exit ramp," Marquis Ma immediately took it. he forced a smile that looked more painful than his crying and replied submissively, "What are you saying, Great King? Your word is law! From now on, everything is up to you. We will serve you with every fiber of our being, even if it means being ground into dust. We wouldn't dare refuse, even if we had to die ten thousand deaths!"

Marquis Niu stood up with trembling legs and reverently placed the leaf crown back on the King’s head. Count Ji and Count Ba let go of his legs, straightened up, and gave a deep, formal bow. "We are ready to follow you to the end, Great King! We will give our lives for your cause!"

The Monkey King nodded in satisfaction. He gave a casual, effortless wave of his hand. "Good. In that case, Marquis Ma, hurry up and get the people moving. Notify the nearby troops tonight. Don't screw it up."

With that, he turned and started walking out of the room without looking back. Marquis Ma felt his heart leap into his throat again. With a cracking voice, he yelled out, "Great... Great King! We just agreed! Everything is up to you! Why... why are you still leaving?"

"Don't panic, Marquis Ma," the Monkey King tossed back over his shoulder. "The cave is just a bit stuffy. I'm going out to clear my head and get some air. Get to work—don't worry about me."

He stepped out of the stone house, leaving behind four exhausted, soul-shattered old monkeys, standing there utterly bewildered in the wind.