That night, my mother lay in bed feeling unwell, emitting faint groans, clearly enduring pain. I noticed the painkillers had been becoming less effective recently. Even with sleeping pills, she couldn't sleep soundly. The climate was hot and humid, with many mosquitoes. I sat beside her, gently fanning to drive the mosquitoes away and cool her down.
A mosquito hovered around me, flying left and right, buzzing as if declaring its sovereignty. I aimed the fan at it and gently blew it away. After a while, it returned. Its perseverance impressed me. I smiled and blew it away again, but in the blink of an eye, it was back. After several "challenges," I grew tired and decided to let it rest eternally.
I quieted down, remaining still. The mosquito circled me and finally landed on my arm. I slowly raised my other hand and fiercely clapped.
Snap!
At that moment, I was horrified to find a giant fan waving toward me. I frantically flapped my wings and barely dodged.
Oh my god! I had turned into a mosquito. I saw the woman who was once "me" raising the "reaper's scythe" toward me. I didn't know how to fly, but strangely, I found myself airborne. I flew up and down, left and right, instinctively flapping my wings.
I was both terrified and excited. The air currents around me were turbulent. Suddenly, I felt thirsty and tired. I needed to land somewhere to replenish my blood and energy. This thirst felt primal, as if it came from before my birth.
The woman opposite me was detestable, constantly chasing me with that annoying fan, determined to kill me. Several times I thought I would die, but at the last moment, I dodged away. But I was exhausted, moving slower and slower. I couldn't help but admire her stamina.
Just as I was about to give up, the woman suddenly stopped. I was puzzled by her actions, unsure what had happened. I was truly tired and needed to rest, but had to be careful not to fall into this cunning woman's trap.
I circled her, observing her every move. She did nothing, as if asleep. I relaxed and slowly landed on her arm, feeling somewhat smug. I inserted my proboscis into her skin and began to enjoy this rare delicacy.
Wow, how sweet! So fragrant and delicious! Every cell in my body danced joyfully, my spirit and soul completely took flight! Just as I began to float away, a large hand slapped down at lightning speed. I couldn't move fast enough.
Smack!
The tremendous force hit me. The intense pain nearly made me faint. Great hatred surged within me. "I hate this woman so much! Let her experience my pain too!"
I calmly observed this thought. "Where did this come from? Does it belong to me? Do I really hate this woman so much?"
A voice roared angrily, "This is unfair! I shouldn't be just a mosquito! I should be that woman!"
I remained calm, contemplating this thought. "Am I really just a mosquito? Yes, I am. At this moment, I am a mosquito! Whatever the Dao wills is my will. There's nothing I cannot accept, even eternal hell. This is my fate, my reality. I was born when meant to be born, I'll die when meant to die. The Dao makes no mistakes, and the woman opposite has done no wrong!"
At that moment, all pain and anger vanished without a trace. I looked down at my arm and saw a mosquito smashed to pieces, my blood still staining its remains. I got up and washed my hands in the bathroom. Was this all a dream? It felt so real. Was I Wei Zhou or a mosquito? Did Zhou Wei dream of being a mosquito, or did a mosquito dream of being Zhou Wei? I laughed at my reflection and returned to my room.
Lying in bed, I stared at the ceiling, lost in thought. My mother's wheezing echoed through the room. What was this sound? It was movement, never ceasing. Slowly, I became this movement, this sound. Where was I? I didn't know. Why should I know? How could I possibly know? If I don't go, why should I go? What should happen will happen naturally. If I don't come, why should I come? What I've noticed has already passed.
My mind went blank, as if the entire world no longer existed. Suddenly, a thought emerged: "I am Wei Zhou, a 35-year-old divorced woman. I've not only lost my daughter and job, but will also lose my mother and my life. Late-stage cancer will take me to life's end." Is this true? I smiled gratefully.
I love being a woman. I love being a 35-year-old divorced woman. I love being 160cm tall and 45kg - not too tall or short, not too fat or thin.
I love my big eyes, long eyelashes, and not needing glasses to see clearly. I love my legs - slender and strong, free to run anywhere. I love my hands - long and fair, each finger lovely as a spring onion. Right now, these hands rest on my stomach, exactly where they belong. I love my breath - actually, I am breathed. It never requires my effort, whether I pay attention or not, it continues automatically, flawlessly.
I love this woman so much. She is too beautiful, too perfect. I am 100% satisfied with her. I looked at myself, trying to find what I needed. I searched and searched but found nothing. What I have before me is what I want. It can't be better. Everyone is the best version of themselves. Why compare with others? Isn't that ridiculous?
"Love yourself!"
I heard myself whisper these words. It turns out the world is just my mirror. When I can fully love myself, I can fully love this world. No matter how the outside changes, everything remains beautiful!
Four days passed. Today, my mother seemed exceptionally well. She looked bright and energetic, not only washing and cleaning herself but also helping me tidy the house.
"Wei, I feel like I've returned to my youth, full of endless energy. It seems happiness really makes people feel good!" my mother said to me with a smile.